My Shameful Past -- And Overcoming It!

So there's a reason I'm fat, and it's not just genetics. I have a low metabolism, but nothing so extreme that it prevents weight loss. I've always just loved sweets and food and I've crammed my gullet full of them until I'm about to explode. So, on to the shameful past part of this.

In high school, I was going through a rough time. I'm not going into the details of it, but I was emotionally unstable. My senior year I came home early every day because of this early dismissal program. I didn't need any more classes to graduate so I just left after 5th period. So I got home at about 1:30 or so.

Now, this next thing didn't happen every day, but it happened at least once a week. I come home. I go into the kitchen, grab the butter, vanilla, sugar, peanut butter, and milk. I throw it all together into a delicious, fast and microwavable peanut butter fudge recipe. I take the whole casserole dish of fudge. I go to the computer, I open up Youtube and I eat it. All of it. While watching Let's Plays. Now, we didn't have a huge casserole dish. It was probably about 6 in x 6 in. But that is still way too much peanut butter fudge! Even for a once-a-month kinda gig! And I did it every week. Now, I'm in college. I've moved on. I don't do that any more.

Today I had a rough day. I skipped the gym. I went into the kitchen. I heated up some skim milk, threw in almost a whole jar of peanut butter, a little sugar (notably less than high school at least), vanilla, butter and some oats. I made peanut butter fudge. I took it to my computer. I opened up Youtube. I took about 5 bites.

This all took about 20 minutes to go down. I looked at this giant bowl of fudge in front of me and I looked down at my big tummy. My bat wing arms. And you know what I did? I took that fudge and I poured it into a baking dish and I put that sucker in the fridge, to share over the course of the next few days.

Just because you slip into a rut doesn't mean you can't climb right back out. Do I feel guilty about today? Yes. But you know what? I also feel good. I didn't eat that whole bowl of fudge, and that definitely counts for something!

I need to keep this face in mind -- the face that just went to the gym and worked out hard. The face of "wow, I feel good about myself!"